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WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

 Penny - founder of NASG

penny@C2C.co.za

Part 2:

To my surprise, I was able to behave as normal having moved back home. I didn’t feel bitter, angry, hurt or resentful, and was able to be the loving wife. This ability to live life as if he hadn't been unfaithful only lasted for the first two weeks, after which I began to feel uneasy again, aware that she was still working at his company. He had a pub at work and often came home late which made me feel suspicious and upset. After the third week, I confronted him and asked if he was still seeing her. He denied it but I didn't believe him as he had lied about so many things in the past. A couple of evenings later, having begged him to make a plan such that she would leave the company (he was the CEO), he said that it was unethical and he couldn't do that. I asked if he intended on continuing the relationship with her, or if he was going to end it and commit to me. “Are you in love with her?” After a pregnant pause, he replied, "I'm not sure.” Talk about digging the knife in deeper... his careless and cruel reply hurt me so deeply and the sting of betrayal was unbearable.

I had always been adamant that if he were ever to cheat on me, that would be the end of the marriage, but as we had children together, this was not so easy to do. I had stopped working to be with my children, had no income, and didn't want to break up my family. Unable to deal with the pain and depression, I went to see a psychologist for help. He listened to my story and simply said "you are heartbroken because of unmet expectations" and allowed me to cry for the entire 40 minutes, passing me tissues as needed. Not very helpful I have to say! I felt humiliated, confused as I had worked hard to get back into shape after my pregnancies, and devastated that I was in this situation - unable to stick to my decision to leave him if he was unfaithful.   

After many months of him coming home very late at night, drunk, with lipstick on his collar and blonde hair on his jacket, I decided to see for myself if he was lying to me about having ended the relationship. I drove to his office one Friday aware that most of the staff stayed for drinks after work. It was about 8.30 pm when I arrived and as I was getting out of my car, there they were, leaving the building together. They immediately adopted a more formal stance and she said goodbye to him and started walking to her car. I caught up with her, firing accusations and questions at her like "Do you realize he's married? What are you trying to achieve?! We have children together! Why the hell would you do this?!" She ignored me, got into the driving seat, looked at me dispassionately, and replied "we were only COM-MUNICATING" (I'll never forget the way she said that with a very thick accent). I was shaking with rage! “Communicating? Is that what it’s called nowadays?! Just remember, what goes around comes around!”

(to be continued...)

www.courage2change.co.za for support

 

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