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Showing posts from June, 2021
    WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Penny - founder of NASG penny@C2C.co.za Part 7: Spiritual abuse includes using scripture against you. My husband was not a person who knew his bible, but he did come to some church services so heard the word being preached. He knew that as a Christian I believed that “God hates divorce”. He reminded me of that many times whenever he could see that I was reaching the end of my tether. Because he knew that I was trying to live my life in a way that was pleasing to God, he must have felt quite safe when he behaved selfishly and did whatever he wanted to do. He had many affairs, dictated what I could and couldn’t do, isolated me from friends and family, and ensured that the only voice I heard would be his. This is the way a narcissist gains control over you, and because you cannot validate whether the way he treats you is abuse or not, you begin to doubt your perception of reality and believe him when he accuses you of being to
  WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Penny - founder of NASG penny@C2C.co.za Part 6: Not long after this devastating disappointment, the pastor “prophesied” over my husband one Sunday at church. He called him by name and said, “God has a specific calling on your life. You have been given the skills and knowledge as to how to create immense wealth, and I heard God saying that He is going to use you mightily to enable those who are called to evangelism, to spread the good news of the gospel far and wide, made possible by the money you can make and donate to the church. You are incredibly gifted and the Lord wants you to be aware of your gift and specific purpose in the body of Christ!”. My husband was beaming having been singled out for his business acumen, and I…. I was like, “Seriously?!!” This, just after our counselling sessions, and me saying that the other problem besides my husband drinking was that he worked such long hours that my children and I barely
  WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Penny - founder of NASG penny @C2C.co.za Part 5: My Christian friends were very supportive in that they faithfully prayed for me to be restored to my former self and able to embrace life again. In time, I began to feel better, determined to be strong for the sake of my daughters. The church I was attending had a counsellor who I saw a few times. He was helpful to a degree as I felt heard and received the empathy I needed; however, he didn’t give me the tools I needed to deal with a drinker who was verbally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually abusive. Eventually, because I believed that the pastor would be more influential in being able to impress upon my husband that his behaviour was unacceptable and unloving (especially as he professed to be a Christian), I asked him if he would be willing to step into the role of counsellor to effect a positive change in our marital relationship. He listened as I explained my situat
WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP  Penny - founder of NASG penny@C2C.co.za Part 4:  I once again spiralled down into the dark, hopelessness of depression and this time booked an appointment with a Christian Psychologist as I had no idea what to do to change my relationship for the better. I explained my predicament – that I was married to a man who drank too much and too often, had no integrity, and felt no remorse if he didn’t pitch when we had made plans to go out. If I dared ask where he had been and why he would defend himself instead of apologizing for letting me down without even contacting me to let me know. He would shout at me and accuse me of being needy and overly sensitive. Inevitably he would deny everything insisting that he’d got caught up with an incredibly important deal at work and was unable to make it home on time. However, he would always be drunk when finally arrived back in the early hours of the morning and scoffed at me if I asked him to explai
  WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP     Penny - founder of NASG penny@C2C.co.za   Part 3: I was now in a complete quandary as to what to do. I went to a Christian counsellor and asked if I could divorce my husband given that he had been unfaithful. As a Christian, I had been told that there are only two instances in which one could get a divorce according to scripture, and those were unfaithfulness or if he is an unbeliever and chooses to leave. I shared my story trying to hold back the tears. She looked at me sympathetically and then asked, “Did you forgive him for having an affair?”, to which I replied yes (as if I hadn’t forgiven him, I wouldn’t have been able to move back and continue life with him). She then said, “If you have forgiven him then you are no longer entitled to get divorced in the eyes of God. God hates divorce. Should he be unfaithful again, then you are free to leave and file for a divorce.” Pardon?!!!! That’s just insane. Surely unfaithfulness is
  WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP  Penny - founder of NASG penny@C2C.co.za Part 2: To my surprise, I was able to behave as normal having moved back home. I didn’t feel bitter, angry, hurt or resentful, and was able to be the loving wife. This ability to live life as if he hadn't been unfaithful only lasted for the first two weeks, after which I began to feel uneasy again, aware that she was still working at his company. He had a pub at work and often came home late which made me feel suspicious and upset. After the third week, I confronted him and asked if he was still seeing her. He denied it but I didn't believe him as he had lied about so many things in the past. A couple of evenings later, having begged him to make a plan such that she would leave the company (he was the CEO), he said that it was unethical and he couldn't do that. I asked if he intended on continuing the relationship with her, or if he was going to end it and commit to me. “Are you
  WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Penny - founder of NASG penny@C2C.co.za Part 1: I have been a Christian for 35 years of my life; a very committed Christian and much of my time was spent in Christian activities such as prayer, spending time in the word, going to church and being part of a small group. I love God and am so appreciative of the love He has shown me through His son Jesus Christ. He has always been there for me and without God's love and belief in me, I wouldn't be where I am today. I have no idea how people without faith in a Higher Being or the Universe or whatever some call the Creator, actually get through life. I would have ousted myself many a time if it weren't for Him telling me to persevere and giving me the strength to do so. You may gather by now that my desire was and still is, to please God in all I do. To me, the bible is an instruction manual on how to live life and provides guidance and wisdom from the One who created us. We a