-

 WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP 


 Penny - founder of NASG
penny@C2C.co.za

 
Part 3:

I was now in a complete quandary as to what to do. I went to a Christian counsellor and asked if I could divorce my husband given that he had been unfaithful. As a Christian, I had been told that there are only two instances in which one could get a divorce according to scripture, and those were unfaithfulness or if he is an unbeliever and chooses to leave. I shared my story trying to hold back the tears. She looked at me sympathetically and then asked, “Did you forgive him for having an affair?”, to which I replied yes (as if I hadn’t forgiven him, I wouldn’t have been able to move back and continue life with him). She then said, “If you have forgiven him then you are no longer entitled to get divorced in the eyes of God. God hates divorce. Should he be unfaithful again, then you are free to leave and file for a divorce.” Pardon?!!!! That’s just insane. Surely unfaithfulness is unfaithfulness! I found it absurd that if one has forgiven one’s spouse for his infidelity, then unfaithfulness no longer counts. You must wait until he has another affair before it’s acceptable in God’s sight?! I’m still shaking my head in disbelief as I type this.

For the next 5 years, I suffered from depression for about 6 months at a time. It was cyclical – began in August and lifted in about February every year. A psychologist explained to me why that occurs. If something traumatic happened at a certain time of year, you are triggered subconsciously by that memory and the following year, at approximately the same time, you spiral down into depression.

Friends and family warned me vehemently not to go onto anti-depressants as the psychologist had suggested, because they had been told that they are addictive, and I would never be able to get off them. Years later, when I was in such a dark space, feeling suicidal and desperate, I chose to ignore their advice and began a course of anti-depressants. I found them to be effective as an anti-depressant takes the edge off a little and lifts your mood sufficiently so that you can function once again. I was able to get up in the morning and tackle whatever needed to be done. My mood was not entirely back to normal, but because I was no longer in the suffocating dark pit of depression, experiencing nothing but aching sadness, bereft of joy, or the ability to embrace life, I became more productive and in doing so the depression slowly began to lift.

Unfortunately, because I was in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, it was not possible to sustain an upbeat mood. The more my mental well-being improved, the worse the abuse became. Narcissists hate it when you are happy. I was happy because I was once again able to pray and restore my relationship with God (I can’t pray when I’m in the depths of depression). I was attending church, seeing my supportive Christian friends, attending courses and home groups, and my husband was becoming progressively more jealous. This is because HE wanted to come first in my life and be number one - not God!  

(to be continued…)

www.courage2change.co.za for support


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

-
Image
WE CAN ONLY CHANGE OURSELVES, NOT ANYONE ELSE   AA and Al-Anon groups pray the Serenity Prayer below: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The Courage to Change the things I can And the Wisdom to know the difference In the kitchen of my childhood home, hanging on the wall behind the kitchen table, was a tray printed with those words. Although I read it often  and committed it to memory, I didn't really understand the significance or meaning of the words in my youth. Frankly, I had no idea what things I could change, most likely because I was being raised by a very angry narcissistic mother. I tip-toed around her trying to avoid her wrath and I became the "invisible" child, and codependent. I had no voice and lived in complete fear. Courage was not a word I could relate to. I share here an anonymous version of the Serenity Prayer which really speaks to me. It's specifically written for Codependent people: God grant me the serenity to accept th...
Read more
-
  THE CURE FOR IT ALL - by Julia Fehrenbacher How beautiful is this poem. Such a wonderful description of how to enjoy life, be in the present and practice self-care...  Go gently today,  don’t hurry or think about  the next thing.  Walk  with the quiet trees,  can you believe how brave they are —how kind?  Model your life  after theirs.  Blow kisses  at yourself in the mirror especially when  you think  you’ve messed up.  Forgive  yourself  for not meeting your  unreasonable  expectations.  You are human,  not  God—don’t be so arrogant. Praise fresh air, clean water, good dogs.  Spin  something from joy.  Open  a window,  even if  it’s cold outside.  Sit.  Close  your eyes. Breathe.  Allow  the river  of it all  t o pulse  through eyelashes, fingertips,  bare toes.  Breathe in, breathe out....
Read more
-
  WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOUR? PEOPLE WILL BE LOVERS OF THEMSELVES ~ christine louis de canonville ~   Narcissism is addressed in the Bible in Paul’s second pastoral epistle to Timothy ( 2 Timothy 3:1-7 ) in the fall of A.D.67.  Paul seems to be concerned about the character and behavior of leaders within the church, so he warns Timothy to beware of those who act out of a “self-love attitude”.  He says, “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come.  For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power.  And from such people turn away.”   Here Paul names many of the attributes associated (in psychology) to-day with the narcis...
Read more