WHY MY FAITH KEPT ME STUCK IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
Penny - founder of NASG
Part 11 – CONCLUSION
The advice I was given from well-meaning Christians kept me
stuck. We believe that the bible is truth and strive to live our lives in alignment
with instructions given in scripture. If you want to live a life that pleases
God, you endeavor to obey His commandments. Christian friends, counselors,
homegroup leaders, and pastors all urged me not to get divorced as the bible
says, “God hates divorce.” I, in no way, advocate divorce as I know firsthand the
devastation and pain it causes for all involved. God, our Creator, hates
divorce because of the outcome – broken hearts, a broken home, and devastated children
who are then raised by one parent instead of both. This was not God’s intention
for families. Children need a functional family with parents who love each
other and their children, so that when they leave home, they are well-balanced,
stable, confident adults with healthy self-esteem.
There is little attention given to the fact that God
hates his people being abused by those who could be construed as evil.
Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and this is seemingly the motive of those
with narcissistic personality disorder too. During the “love-bombing” phase,
they deceive you into believing that you have found your soulmate; a good,
kind, loving, caring person who will always have your best interests at heart.
Once we have fallen in love with them, the devaluing begins and later the
inevitable discard. The person you thought was your soulmate, was (in my humble
opinion as a Christian that is) Satan masquerading as an angel of light. It’s
all a façade, intended to hook you to ensure that they will have ongoing narcissistic
supply.
People, Christian or otherwise, who’ve never been subjected to
this insidious form of abuse, have no idea of how destructive it is. The verses
in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 are completely overlooked. They accurately describe narcissistic/toxic
individuals and end with the words “Have nothing to do with them”. In Jeremiah
22:3 the Lord says, “Do justice and righteousness and deliver the one who
has been robbed from the power of his oppressor. Also do not mistreat or
do violence to the stranger, the orphan, or the widow; and do not shed
innocent blood in this place.
Instead of being advised to say no to the abuse and leave, we
are told to pray, have faith, hope, forgive, and trust God for a miracle. In truth,
as codependent people, we forgive far too much because we have weak boundaries.
We fiercely believe that the love we are giving will eventually be
reciprocated, and so we never lose hope. Radical acceptance is needed to break
free from abuse. This is the realization that they will never change, but it’s incredibly
difficult to come to terms with.
It was only when I studied to become a Life Coach (which I
know sounds hilarious given that my life was such a mess! 😊) that I fully understood
that the only person we can change is ourselves and that the way out of victim
mode is to stop blaming and justifying, and instead to take responsibility for
your happiness. I had to do the work of changing myself so that I could take back
control of my life. Instead of praying for change, I started to pray for the courage
to leave, which God graciously gave me. I now live life with a purpose – to work
alongside Jesus and set the captives FREE!
info@courage2change.co.za If you are in a narcissistic relationship,
romantic or otherwise, JOIN US!
www.courage2change.co.za
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